Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing

Hey my Sweetness,

I don’t know who you are yet… I don’t know why you are part of my life. I don’t know how you have protected me in the past.

All I know right now is that you cause me to be distracted… I feel you when I’m on social media and I feel you when I am trying to not be in the moment…

You distract me so I don’t feel the pain that is still within me… You are my distraction. You are the part of me that tries to dissociate so I don’t have to feel the pain that I wasn’t able to handle.

You distract me because quiet and emptiness meant pain.

I know that there is still some pain within me. I know that I still have some burdens that I carry with me. I know that healed doesn’t mean that I am completely without pain.

Even if I used to think it meant being without scars, I now know that these scars are what healing is. When our bodies have been through something traumatic like a broken leg or a deep cut, we don’t expect them to ever be the same again. So why do we expect that from our soul?

For me, healed means that I am able to cope with whatever comes along in healthy ways. It means being able to sit in a quiet room and be okay with what is or isn’t happening. For me, healed means that I don’t have to run away from reality through media or dissociation.

I am at a place in my life where I would say I’m healed.

The pain that I still carry is a pain that is tolerable and mostly gone. Even when I feel the pain, it’s nothing compared to what it used to be.

I enjoy sitting in stillness. I enjoy just being and not having to be busy. I enjoy feeling what comes up. It makes me feel alive.

I love that I don’t have to be numb to be able to process life. I love that I am sensitive. I love that I laugh too much and cry too hard. I love that I am who I am. I don’t want anyone, not even myself, to take that away.

So, I get why I used to need you, and I am so very grateful for that!

I don’t want you to go… but I do want you to learn that it’s okay to feel. So, let’s be still for a minute and just let ourselves feel for a second. Just for one second… That’s it. See… There is some pain, but there is also joy. There is fear and hope. There is love and hate. It all exists in the same body.

Just imagine… as deeply as you can feel pain, you can also feel joy. You have such a capacity to feel all of this! So, let yourself. Let yourself feel.

Find outlets for your feelings. Don’t swallow them.

I want to see you feel because feeling means being alive. Feeling deeply is what makes us so human and unique! So, be unique! Be alive! Feel!

You don’t have to carry it! You can let it go! Give it to the universe… It’s so much bigger and has much more possibility to deal with those feelings.

It’s okay to let them go. It’s okay to set yourself free from them.

Letting go won’t hurt nearly as much. By holding on, you are hurting yourself every day anew… When you let go, you hurt once, but then that’s it…

I know it’s scary… What if it’s not it? What if I don’t really let them go? What if they come back?

They might… in fact, they probably will… but it will be less each time until you don’t even remember them.

So please, let go, so that we can move forward together. You have done so many great things for me, and you have truly protected me when I needed it most.

I am ready to let go. Are you?

Lots of love,

Me