Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing

Hey, my Sweetness,

I get it now. I knew it in a way, but I never really got it… I am scared, and you are my scared. You are a part of me, just like the fighter and the inner child.

You have protected me in ways I don’t even realise. I don’t mean to… I just don’t notice you.

You’re not my scared… you protect me from being scared. So, you’re like my protector. You keep those feelings from me and just deal with the emotions without letting me feel them.

And I thank you for that. If you hadn’t done that, then I probably wouldn’t be here, and I wouldn’t have been able to function.

But I am ready now… You just have to warn me before. You have to tell me that you’re letting me feel the scared. Because I have to brace myself for it.

It’s a lot of fear that you had to carry.

And I am sorry for running away from it. Even while writing to you… I am ready to take it on, and I want to let it go… but I need your help for that. I cannot do this alone. I know that you want to help and I know that you want to protect me, and that is fine. The thing is: I am ready to move on. I am ready to leave my past behind me, and I need you to move ahead with me. I can’t do this alone.

We need to let go so that we can move ahead. I know that it is legitimate that I feel this fear, and I know that it is legitimate that you carry it for me. I know that this was the only way it worked in the past. But we are not in the past anymore. We are safe now.

No one wants to hurt me, and no one wants to see me hurt. I have amazing people in my life, and I am completely safe.

You are hurting me by holding on. You are hurting me by not letting me feel and let go. You are hurting me by protecting me.

So, I am asking you to please let me do this together with you. Let me carry this burden with you so we can both be free of it.

Are you protecting me from the feeling or from the images?

You are protecting me from the memories, aren’t you?

I get it… I honestly don’t know if I am ready for those… but I would like to try.

I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to be free.

So, I am asking you: please let us be free of this.

Lots of love,

Me