Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing

Hey, my Sweetness,

I’m sorry that I haven’t talked to you in a while. I was trying to think my way through this and forgot… that’s not how it works.

I have something amazing to tell you! I was able to feel scared for the first time in 15 years! It was brief and not intense (which I think is good), but I felt it! I didn’t run from it, I didn’t push it down, and I didn’t shame it. I let it. I let it surface, and I let it do what it wanted to do.

It just wanted to be there and take the wheel for 5 or 10 minutes. It didn’t even do anything reckless. It just was. It showed me how it would like to present itself in the future, and I hope I get to feel scared again soon.

I know it’s not a pleasant feeling. I know it’s uncomfortable, but it was missing in my life. Being able to feel scared showed me three things:

1. I am a safe place.
2. I have safe surroundings.
3. Scared is not my baseline anymore.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I get to feel scared because I don’t feel scared all the time anymore!

I think that’s incredible, and I am so damn grateful for it!

I honestly never thought I’d be happy to be scared, but here I am. Crying tears of joy because I am scared.

If someone had told me that I’d be here one day, 2 or 3 years ago, I would have laughed in their face. But here I am, enjoying feeling scared… how paradoxical is that?

Anyway, I’m getting there. I am doing the work for you — for us! And I can’t wait to finally meet you, to finally be you!

See you soon,

Me