Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing

Hello my Sweetness,

We lost something big today. It’s the fourth time we’ve had to let go of our mother and face the fact that she isn’t part of our life in the way we wish she were.

I understand the reasons and they are valid. That doesn’t change the fact that it hurts. It doesn’t change the fact that it feels like all the other times. It doesn’t change the fact that I feel abandoned again. But then again… it doesn’t. Not really.

It hurts. It just doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. The other times I found myself in this situation, it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Like I was left in the middle of a desert with no way of finding my way out. It felt like I was being torn from something I so deeply needed.

Today, it hurts because someone I cherish isn’t part of my life anymore. It hurts because someone I love won’t be walking this journey with me. It hurts because I’ve lost access to someone I deeply respect.

But it doesn’t feel like betrayal. It feels like “it’s okay.” I believe we’ve both had space to learn from our connection, even if it was brief, and we’re both grateful to have seen each other again to witness who we’ve each become.

Even though it hurts, I know this is how it needs to be. We’ve both set boundaries, and that’s okay. Sometimes two people can be amazing individually, and even great together for a time but still not fit. Sometimes our boundaries are simply too different for the connection to hold.

It’s like two jigsaw pieces from completely different puzzles. Each one can be part of a masterpiece, beautiful on its own, but no matter how much you twist, turn, or even try to cut them, they won’t fit together the way they were meant to.

I love my mum. She is absolutely someone I look up to. She’s headstrong and intelligent. She’s done things others would call impossible.

But she’s drawn her line. And I’ve drawn mine. And unfortunately, those lines don’t meet.

I know it hurts. I know you wish it could be different.

But for now, it can’t be.

For now, this is how it has to be.

And I’m so proud of you for how you’re handling this. I know it’s painful and that it brings up so much from the past and still, you’re not collapsing into old patterns. You’re trying new ways to cope.

This is how you’ve made it to where you are. And I’m so grateful to be walking through this with you. I’m proud of you for going through it instead of running from it. I’m proud that you’re taking responsibility for your part and not shifting blame.

This wasn’t a one-sided decision. It was mutual. You both chose this. And you’re able to see that.

Thank you.

Not just for taking accountability, but for knowing what you need and saying no to what isn’t that.

I’m truly proud of you. And you’ll be okay. Just give it time.

Lots of love,
Me