Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing

Hey you,

I think I am about to disappoint you.

I feel so overwhelmed right now, because I have the possibility to actually go to Scotland now and I have the possibility to actually do something, but I want to do more than I am able to. I want to see as much as possible. I want to go to as many places as I possibly can. I want to be able to see all of Scotland in just a week… and that’s just not possible.

Writing this, I realise that my problem isn’t that I want to do too many things. It’s that I don’t want to choose. I am also running away from it in a way. If I say I wasn’t able to do the things I wanted to do, then I have a reason not to go. If I say that I didn’t know where to start, then I can’t blame myself for it not working. If I say I didn’t have the money to do what I wanted to do, then it was just the circumstances that didn’t work out.

But I am running away.

I am actively not making a choice.

So I know what you really want to do. I know what you want to see. I know where you want to be.

That’s all I need to make a choice really. I don’t need an amazing trip where I see all the great things. I just need the trip that allows me to do what I wanted to do for the last 5 years.

I don’t even need a whole week for that. Two days should be enough.

So I am making the choice now. I am choosing to take the trip that allows me to fulfil my dream. My dream isn’t to see all of Scotland. My dream is to see the landscape and stand at the edge of a cliff, feeling the wind in my face and the freedom of the endless sea.

That is what I will do.

Thank you for allowing me to see my goal clearly again.

Lots of love

Me