Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing

Hey you,

I have to admit that I am actually a little annoyed at you/me/us.

You made such a big deal about healing those wounds of dating and relationships. You made such a big deal about who it is that we want to be with and how he should be. Just for you to turn around and say “well, it’s not really important.”

It obviously is important, because it was important enough to actually write a post about. It was important enough because you want to share your life with someone. It is important enough because it aches to not have someone in your life.

I open up about how I feel, what I want, and how I want it, just for you to turn around and say “well, it’s more important to have a fulfilled life”?

Yeah, it’s important to have a fulfilled life, and yeah maybe I’d be more sad about missing out than about being single.

That does not make my wish for a partner irrelevant. It does not take away the longing that I feel. It does not make me forget that I have a dream and a goal.

How dare you say that it’s all the same anyway? How dare you make me feel inferior? How dare you let me open up just to ignore me?

That’s not ok.

Me

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Hey you,

I don’t usually answer in the same post, but I feel like I need to in this one.

I understand that it must be frustrating to open up and not get what you want. I get that you hoped that we would go and find that perfect partner. I get that you are longing to be loved in a way that you could never give yourself. I get that the validation you imagine from finding that perfect person would feel like a miracle.

I also understand that you just want to know what it feels like to truly be loved in the way that you imagine it. To feel like you are living a romcom every day. I get the longing, because trust me, you are not the only one longing.

To have someone who is by my side all the time. To have someone who wants me to succeed just as much as I want it. To have someone who helps fill my cup. Those are also things that I long for.

Your wants and needs are not irrelevant. They are probably more relevant than any other want or need.

Wanting to have someone is only natural. It’s as natural as breathing. Humans are not made to be alone.

The thing is, I can’t give you what you want yet, and choosing to “chase” it wouldn’t do either of us any good.

I would rather concentrate on building friendships and other similar relationships, so that the ache becomes bearable. Not so that we can endure until the end, but so that we don’t regret anything, in the case that we have to.

I could chase that perfect relationship. But it would be like chasing air. You can’t catch it in your bare hands and expect it to get to your lungs. You have to breathe. It has to come naturally.

The same with a romantic relationship. It has to breathe. If I were to force it, then the foundation wouldn’t be suitable. And I want to give you the best version of your dream. I don’t want to give you something just to fix the momentary discomfort. You are worth so much more than that to me.

I truly hope that you understand that I am on your side and that I am feeling your pain with you.

Lots of love

Me

XOXO