Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing

Hey you,

We talked about you not feeling like you are enough in one of my last posts, and there is a time for celebration (which you have definitely earned) and there is a time for reflection.

Now don’t worry. I won’t be tearing down your progress… in fact I would like to look at the progress that you made in an objective way (as much as possible anyway).

While talking to some friends and journey companions today, we realised that you might be feeling like you are not enough because you have let go of almost (if not everything) that you tied to your worth.

So, I would like to start by listing the things that you used to believe made you worth something, that you have let go. I would like to list everything. No matter how big or small or old.

Big sister
Good daughter
Obedient daughter
Smart daughter
Bad daughter
Protector
Fighter
Saviour
Girlfriend
Wife
Fiancé
Best friend
Office Manager
Best employee
Efficient employee
Dream girl
Self-employed
Shift Manager
Problem solver
The victim

I think that’s all… at least that’s all I can remember right now.

Those are really good “titles” to have, and honestly they made me feel like I am needed and worthy of being accepted.

Looking at them, I realise that I had to give up a lot to get to where I am now. I had to sacrifice a lot of identities to be able to be where I am now.

When I think about what I identify as right now, I only think about “Sarah Ann Smith”. I am who I am. I am as smart as I am dumb. I am as much a problem as I am the solver. I am as much the saviour as I am a tormentor.

I am everything and nothing.

I am everything to me and nothing to the universe. I am everything to my reality and I do not matter to the bigger picture.

My worth only exists because I exist… I don’t have to earn it. It just is.

I am worth everything and at the same time I am worth nothing.

The only worth that I have is the one that I choose to give myself.

I do not need a title for that. My decision is the title.

The thing is… it’s not one decision. It’s the one decision that I make with every breath.

I decide my worth with every decision.

I just need to know what my worth is to me.

Honestly, I am worth more than anything to me. There is nothing in this world that is more precious to me than me. That is kinda nice to know. Now I just have to live like it.

I can’t wait to see what my life will look like in 6 months’ time.

Lots of love

Me