Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing

Hey you,

I have never really written anything that is funny. I think that is an absolute shame because you can be so hilarious! You crack people up just by being yourself. You make people laugh without even trying.

Yet you only really show that deeply reflected person here. You only really show that side where you know how the reaction will land. You only show the side that you believe will be taken seriously.

Honestly, I would love to try to write a post where I was being just funny in an honest way that makes people think about what I am saying. I would love to write a post that starts you off with laughing and then leaves you in a heap on the floor. Partly because your stomach aches from laughing and partly because you have to hold yourself together because of a broken heart.

I don’t know if I could do that… am I really good enough as a writer to be able to do that? Am I good enough at reaching people’s hearts to be able to do that? Am I really funny enough to do that?

There’s that question again: “am I good enough?”

What I am realising right now is that I only know the answer if I try. I can only know if I am good enough if I try.

And failing doesn’t mean I’m not good enough. It just means I have more to learn.

So why do we believe that there is such a thing as “enough”? Why do we believe that there is such a thing as having to be something to reach something?

Why do we have to be something? Why isn’t it enough to just exist?

I don’t really like the thought that life is a gift because I feel like many cultures and religions make it out to be this extraordinary thing that we have to be so extremely grateful for.

That just makes it seem like we aren’t worthy of the gift that we have been given…

But shouldn’t it be the other way round? Shouldn’t we be the gift to existence?

When I think about a gift, I think about something that adds to happiness or lets someone feel cherished.

So shouldn’t we be the gift to life?

Shouldn’t we be the ones who add happiness to others and let others feel cherished?

A gift doesn’t give up its identity with the giving. A gift is usually remembered as a present. Even years later, people still talk about how they were given it by someone they love. A present doesn’t change what it is and people still love it.

So again, shouldn’t we be a gift to life?

Life and existence is something we all share… so we should be the ones adding to it.

Life doesn’t add to us. It is us. We are life… so how is life a gift?

We should love life and we should cherish it. But should we be indebted to something that was given to us freely and is shared with many other people?

Life isn’t a debt to be paid. It is a home to live in. And our presence is the real gift…

A home without a person is just a house. The people who live inside are the ones who create a home. Sharing that with others is sometimes also considered a gift.

I think I am actually happy with this definition.

So life being a gift was maybe never meant as a way of saying that we have to live it or that we owe someone something, but rather it’s a way of saying that our authentic presence is a gift.

I like that.

But it isn’t really funny, is it…

I have to admit that I don’t even know if I could be funny in a post…

I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Lots of love

Me