Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing

Hey you,

I feel like you are preparing to leave. I feel like we are about to say goodbye.

I know that there is no need for you to stay anymore. There is no need for you to fight for me anymore, no need for you to show me what I used to enjoy, and no need for you to rebel anymore.

You had to fight because I never learned to set boundaries and, especially as a teenager, those boundaries are necessary to survive and thrive.

You fought for me so that we would survive… but there is nothing left that we have to survive. There is nothing left that we have to fight, because everything in my surroundings and my life respects my boundaries, and if it doesn’t then I am able to stand up for myself.

You are getting ready to leave because there is no need for you to stay anymore.

I would like to ask if we could have one more day where we do what you want to do, but I feel like we already had that. We already had the experience that you needed to feel ready to leave.

If I’d known that that was the last time I would hang out with my inner teenager, I would have made it last longer.

I know that I have to let you go. I know that I have to let you move on and that I have to move forward as well.

It’s going to be very weird living without my little fighter. It’s going to be very different.

And I am going to miss you. I am going to miss all those times where I felt like I was going headfirst through a wall or when I felt like a giant because of my anger.

But I know we both deserve the peace that comes with this separation.

Just know that I am deeply grateful for everything that you have done. I would not be where I am today if it hadn’t been for you.

I know that you used to regret things like marrying too early, moving across the country for a boyfriend, or joining a cult for a boyfriend… but I am grateful for those mistakes. Those lessons made me into the person I am allowed to experience today. They also allowed me to enter my thirties without the pressure that most people feel, because I have already experienced most of the things other people want to achieve. I failed at them… but at least now I am able to enjoy the time I have left without chasing a dream that might not even make me happy.

So thank you for making mistakes. Thank you for using your youth to learn as much as possible so that I am allowed to enjoy my life. Thank you for living.

Just thank you for being you.

Lots of love,

Me

P.S. I am really going to miss you.