Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing

Hey me,

I am looking around and I am asking myself, “How did I earn the privilege to live this life and experience me?”

Does that sound too conceited?

What I mean is: how am I allowed to experience myself as such a lively and happy person? How am I allowed to experience myself as such a smart and confident person? How am I allowed to experience myself as such a warm and lovingly open person? How am I allowed to experience myself as such a trusting and healthy person?

How am I allowed to experience life like this?

I used to believe that I must have had the worst luck with my life. I used to feel like this life was never meant to be lived. But now… now I feel like I was the only person able to live this life and make something beautiful out of it.

A part of me hopes that my past is preparing me for a big future. A future where I have to be able to hold a lot of happiness, success and experiences. A future where I will be seen a lot. A future where I will be noisy and out there.

But even if I live a quiet life, I know I will be noisy in my own life. I will be like a tornado in my own life in the best possible way.

When I imagine my future, I know that I will have a lot of positive changes in my life. I will challenge myself regularly and I will seek out new experiences. I will make sure that my life will never be boring.

Maybe that’s why I had to go through so much in my past, so that I will be able to handle myself.

So that I can give myself the best life possible without having to make myself smaller.

I don’t know if it’s the truth, but it’s the truth I am choosing for myself.

Life was preparing me for myself. Life was preparing me to be able to handle my beautiful, chaotic self, and honestly I cannot wait to meet her.

But first: this will be a year of just existing. No goals, no plans and no expectations.

I am actually so excited to see what life has in store for me when I am choosing to just trust.

I can’t wait.

Lots of love

Me