Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing

Hey me,

I have to admit that it’s kinda difficult to write at the moment… I have so many things going on in my life at the moment, and it doesn’t seem to be becoming less. Also, I don’t really know what to write about.

I used this blog because I needed a place to talk about what I am feeling and what I am going through. I still need to do that, but I have people in my life now where I am able to do that. I have people now that feel safe. I have people that let me take up space and even enjoy having me take up space in their lives.

I spent the weekend with one of my friends, and we wanted to watch a show together — one that I have been talking about a lot — and he said he would watch it with me. It’s not really his genre, but he trusted my opinion and even enjoyed it. Not only did we watch the show together, but we also talked about it. Actually talked about what was happening and what impact it had.

I bought some drinks that I enjoy and bought two of everything because I thought, “If he wants one as well, then he can have one.”

I didn’t expect him to enjoy the drinks I bought or the show I suggested because I am so used to people finding me and what I like odd. Every time I suggest something, people seem to dislike it. So to have someone not only enjoy a show I suggested but also the food I bought… it made me feel safe and actually lovable for the first time. I don’t know if it was for the first time ever, but it feels like it.

It feels like for the first time ever I am actually someone who is lovable and someone trustworthy.

Not only that, but he thanked me for the weekend because he really didn’t want to be alone, and he said that my joy was contagious.

I felt like I was pushing myself into his space, and he thanked me for it…

I have truly never experienced that. I only know the other side. People either forcing me out of my own space or only tolerating me when I am quiet.

I was neither this weekend, and I was still accepted. Not just accepted, but loved for it.

I am so glad to finally have people in my life that truly love who I am and want to share my joy and even sorrow. People who want to share ideas and thoughts.

I am so proud of the surroundings I have created for myself, and I can’t wait to see who I am allowed to meet next.

Lots of love

Me