Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing

Hey me,

It’s been a while.

I think I haven’t talked to me for a while because I had so much happening in my life with other people (making new friends, keeping in touch with my old friends, building a relationship with my boyfriend, building a community and business with friends, and taking care of myself) that I didn’t really have time to talk to me. And when I did have time, I wanted to spend it doing literally nothing. I didn’t want to use my brain. I didn’t want to do anything. I just wanted to have a few hours turning my brain off.

But I think I am ready now to start again. I am ready now to start the next chapter (I hope). I want to start building the next part of my life, and I feel like it’s about time I started to build my stability.

What does that even mean for me? Well, I have my emotional wellbeing. I have people I care about and can rely on. I have people that accept me and I feel comfortable with.

So now it’s my time to build a comfortable life in a materialistic way. I am ready to have money. I am ready to spend money, and I am ready to allow more money into my life than I ever thought possible.

This feels right but so very, very weird… I come from poverty. I come from “we can’t spend €0.50 on ice cream. We don’t have that kind of money.” So how the hell am I going to start allowing myself to spend money? How do I teach myself that money is safe?

I think I already started… I invested money into something I really wanted to do that might help me in the long run. I told myself that I wanted to invest in my future, and life gave me that chance… I took it. I invested. I invested more money than I ever had. It’s truly weird, but I am proud of myself…

So maybe I should carry on doing that first? Just spend the next few months investing in myself?

I guess it feels like the first step….

We’ll see how it goes.

Lots of love,

Me