Figuring it out
Hey me, I don’t know why, but every time I think about writing a post I don’t want to and I put it off. Is it because I feel like I was wrong in my last post? I don’t feel like I am limited by time. I feel like I am limited by myself. I…
Limited Edition
Hey me, I just had a thought and I have to get it out before it runs away from me. So if we are chasing goals that take up space and try to “catch” every empty space that is available, then we are never done. Also, by doing that we are forgetting to manage our…
Limited
Hey me, I had a thought… I mentioned taking space in my last post and that space is endless. There is no limit to it… The thing is, I have learned one thing in the last 5 years and it’s this: it’s always everything. If it’s black, then it’s white. If it’s easy, it’s also…
Taking Space
Hey me, so I had a realisation yesterday, and I have to share it… It makes so much sense and connects so many dots in my brain. It feels like so many single thoughts that were just “floating” around in my brain have finally found that missing link. It feels like finding a new world…
In Control
Hey me, So I have been testing my new method of leaving intentional chaos and I love it. I don’t feel bad for being messy because I tell myself, “I chose this.” I also clean up more after myself because otherwise it’s not the mess I choose but the mess that chose me, and I…
Finally Arriving?
Hey me, I have to admit that it’s kinda difficult to write at the moment… I have so many things going on in my life at the moment, and it doesn’t seem to be becoming less. Also, I don’t really know what to write about. I used this blog because I needed a place to…
Make it Mine
Hey me, I wrote about how being messy is a way to feel in control. I am wondering: am I ready to surrender to that cleanliness? Am I ready to truly have a tidy and clean home? I honestly don’t think I am… it feels weird to have a kitchen that I can walk into…
Peace
Hey me, I feel like I have to talk about this “everything is awesome” hype that people call “toxic positivity”. I feel like calling it “toxic positivity” is like saying “healthy negativity”, yet no one seems to say that. Why do we not see that when something can be toxic even though it’s “good”, something…
No.
Hey me, I was actually able to see how much I have grown in the last, well honestly, 8 years. Someone from my past tried to get me to do something for them and I was able to not just set boundaries but I was even able to reinforce them. I know that I am…
Head or Tails?
Hey me, I have no idea what’s going on right now… I said I’d let life happen and just see how things work out, but right now it feels like life said “challenge accepted” and is testing how much I can handle. How many positive things can I take until I run away screaming? How…
My Reason
Hey me, I have to admit that I don’t really feel like writing at the moment. I have a few things going on, and I feel like moving on from this blog right now. Would people still have interest in reading my thoughts? Am I still learning? Do I profit from writing? Why do I…
Catching the Rabbit
Hey me, I have a few thoughts that I feel are connected, but I don’t know how. 1. Thought: I would be an amazing hunter. 2. Thought: I don’t want to actively chase healing anymore. 3. Thought: I am sometimes very annoyed at myself for how I react. First: I think I would be an…
Too Much
Hey me, Have I finally managed to find my middle? Am I finally brave enough to feel the subtle ache? Am I finally able to open up without losing myself? I feel like the answer to all these questions is yes… I am finally able to admit to myself that there is a part of…
Embracing the Chaos?
Hey me, I did it! I didn’t do a love reading for myself and I didn’t use the cards to “look into the future”! I did do a reading because, I guess, the thought of that reading for the friend being about me did shake me. I don’t quite understand why it shook me… was…
There is Hope
Hey me, I guess the great big lump of chaos has started to show itself, and I have to admit that I am kinda regretting my decision to just be this year. I did a tarot reading for someone yesterday and it completely confused me. It felt like the reading wasn’t just for him but…
Enough for what?
Hey me, I am going to out myself as a nerd right now… ok… maybe I’m not… I think anyone following my blog will know I am a nerd… Or would they? Maybe they would suspect it but not know? Either way: I am a nerd… there it is. Anyway, that’s not what I wanted…
Great big Lump of Chaos
Hey me, I feel like my writing has actually changed… I feel like it’s not as wounded as it used to be. I feel like it’s becoming more abstract and matter of fact? I am, in a way, proud of me for having gotten to this point and not having to bleed all over to…
My Wrongdoings
Hey me, I think it’s my turn to talk about my time as a Jehovah’s Witness. Maybe the reason I haven’t really done that yet is because I know what consequences it could have for me… Leaving the community meant losing everyone and everything I knew. I wasn’t allowed to be in contact with family…
No Explanation
Hey me, I just realised what kind of privilege it is to be able to say, “I will start the new year without a plan or goal.” How amazing it is that I trust myself enough to be able to say, “One year is just to see how far I have come and to see…
Preparing for Me
Hey me, I am looking around and I am asking myself, “How did I earn the privilege to live this life and experience me?” Does that sound too conceited? What I mean is: how am I allowed to experience myself as such a lively and happy person? How am I allowed to experience myself as…
One More Day
Hey me, Thank you for surviving. I know I have had some posts about this, but today I am just so grateful. Not just for surviving because you made it, but also because of the life that I am allowed to live because of it. It may not sound different to my other posts because…
Fingers Crossed
Hey me, I am actually annoyed at me right now. Why do I always feel like a failure when things are starting to change? Why do I always feel like the worst person? Why do I always think I am not enough? Is it because I haven’t proven myself to be enough yet? I don’t…
Being honest.
Hey me, The good thing about living my whole life sabotaging myself? I know how to sabotage things without being the one who looks guilty. But did I really sabotage this, or did I just make a decision and it turned in my favour? But then again, if I start something with an expectation, it…
What’s Next
Hey me, So… I met someone… There goes the “40 Years” plan… I’m used to overthinking it. Usually I try to figure out if this person is my person, and if we will be together forever, and if I’d want to marry him. This time it’s different. I am able to hold myself in the…
Three Days Later
Hey me, I promised that I would come back after three days to process what’s going on. To see why I feel like a failure and why I feel so negative about life… I also want to find out why I’m eating more again. I said that my blog will probably become less about processing…
The End?
Hey Me, I feel like the content of my blog might change soon… I feel like the more I step into the life I have created for myself, the less it will be about processing emotions and more about living my first life. I will probably share my journey but I feel like I don’t…
The Edge
Hey Me, I talked about standing at a cliff and looking away from it in my last post, to see the landscape instead. Am I looking back to see that it’s safe? Am I letting old feelings resurface to check if they are true? To let my old strategy resurface to see if it’s still…
Three Days
Hey me, It’s still kinda weird to write the greeting like that… It would also feel weird to greet “you”. Just “Hey” doesn’t feel right either… Maybe I’m still in this in-between of getting used to the new and letting go of the old? That would also explain the way I feel at the moment.…
I Survived
who do I even greet now that it’s just me? Hey me? Let’s try that: Hey me, feels weird to just be talking to myself but it is what it is. The title says it all really… I survived. I read that sentence while exchanging thoughts (if you can call it that) with AI. I…
Last Good-Bye
Hey you, I feel like you are preparing to leave. I feel like we are about to say goodbye. I know that there is no need for you to stay anymore. There is no need for you to fight for me anymore, no need for you to show me what I used to enjoy, and…
Sarah Smith’s Path to Healing 